Rambling!

How naive can people be? This is a thought that has repeatedly bothered me and utilized my thinking energy, more so in the recent past. Maybe its them, maybe its me. I think its because few people have ever been able to understand me.

I dont even remember for how long I tried to find a way to eternal peace of mind, nor when i reached the solution. My answer would probably raise more eyebrows and cynics would have a field day, but it has worked for me since a long time. What i prefer is indifference. It is not an escapist attitude, just thinking about it would destroy the meaning of indifference.

Some of the people around me assume that what they do or dont do, affects me. And the fact is that I would care less. I have got compliments about how I cna keep my peace and not get angry, still be polite to a person when anyone else would have blown his fuse. What they dont realise is that I dont care, I am indifferent to their feelings, whether it is their feelings of happiness or sorrow, anger or pain. Call me inhuman, but it is the best way to absolve yourself of emotions and be content. Why should i give enough importance to a person that he has the capability to make be angry or hurt me?

Now, I am not talking in a girlish way. Its just my understnading that if you dont care if another person exists or not, then you wouldnt care what he does, whether he does well or not, whether he cries or not, whether he passes or fails, whether he lives or dies. Its just the way my head is attuned now, I can do this without giving it a second thought.

I do care a lot about my close friends. But the others who pretend to be friends, or who are mere acquantainces, I dont think it is right to even get angry at them.

Mine might be an easier way. Some people prefer to be frank and tell others what they think og them. Some others prefer to be hurt by others. I dont know where I lie. Most of the time I have never cared whether the otehr person is angry with me. Out of decency I might still find it polite to care. But its not that I would be willing to change my beliefs without sufficient convincing.

A funny incident happened some time back. A supposedly good friend staying with me right now thought that he might make me angry by doing things which I dont like. Now why should I care? I dont consider him a good enough friend to care about him.

Another thing I find lacking in me, but in a good way, is the lack of sympathy for some people. When I think that the people deserved it, I find it amusing that they would cry later when it is they who mad those decisions in the first place. Never be sorry about the decisions you make. This is what it ultimately boils down to.

Well, I was never very very good at writing andputting my thoughts down. Worse when i am a bit drunk. :D
I should read this post agian tomm and modify it.

Things to do in next 1 yr atleast

1. Buy Royal Enfield Electra (my dream indian bike) and add some modifications - Dec 2006 :-
Update - Bought the new Pulsar 200. really cool bike. Am still crazy about the enfield, but due to some considerations, I went in favour of the Pulsar.
2. Get a Promotion - March 2007
Update:- I finished all the pre-requisites for the said. But my review will be in June, as the guy who takes them is busy. To hell with him. This is very demotivating. :(
3. Start swimming and playing badminton again - Probably Dec 2006
Update:- Yet to do.. :(
4. Go camping and trekking - Dec 2006
Update :- been on a couple of small treks since Dec. Feels very good.
5. Go on a long road trip (either to college or bangalore) - April 2007
Update:- This month definitely. Am on schedule for this.
6. Complete "Basic Mountaineering Course" by July 2007.
Update :- Decided to do this in October, after monsoons.
7. Run a marathon - 2007
Update :- have to start preparing for this.
8. Go on a big big Himalayan trek/expedition (Everest, K2, Nanga Parbhat..) - 2008

Updated - 4th April, 07.

Lost and found

I had so many dreams and expectations from my job; for the first time i knew that this is what i wanted to do and this was the path which wud help me fulfill my future goals. Now I am not sure. I feel so useless in this job, have absolutely no work and am paid so much for it. I guess I am not happy about not being given responsibilities and having to sit writing this blog. Well I was never good with sitting idle. Also i donot understand the working of the company, its so different, they hav e learning modules for everything but at the end you really donot understnad anything. There is some freedom, but you feel lost because of it. like you started on this journey with a map, but the map only goes till midway.

Actually I am not that pissed now, I know what i should do. I should start doing things which I like; swimming, badminton, running, gymming; reading. I should be able to manage these things. First and foremost, get my dream bike, go on a long ride and clear up my head.

Freedom of the Human Spirit

No matter wat happens or how down i feel, I just have to read this poem and am back on my feet, again believing that theres nuthing tat a human being cannot do, if he puts his soul into it. Nothing can bind down the human spirit, no dungeons, no cruel landlords, no governments, no dictators. Theres neither physics nor economics behind this; just the faith and belief in oneself.

As my friend Aditi has told me so often "You can will anything to happen. If you really want it, you will do anything to get it." Thats what human spirit can do. When a person can see what he has created in front of him, and it is what he ever wanted, then he is happy.