And I am back!

Why did I stop writing here 5 years back? Guess it could be related to my growing indifference and ignorance of the world around me. As they say, the world goes round, so here I am, again on my own,,,, going down the only road I have ever known,,, like a drifter I was born to walk alone,,,, and I have made up my mind,,, I ain't wasting no more time..

Incidentally there are also the lyrics of one of my fav songs. A happy song to lift up my moods. No matter how life turns out, I still have some small pleasures :)

Catch ya all tomorrow.

Insights - 1

There are things which I understand, that stuff has to happen this way, there's no other way; I know that I have to accept it as theres no other way. Its not that I cannot understand this, just that I donot want to understand it or accept it. I would rather stand against this and fight it, than accept such a thing peacefully. Injustice is one such thing, I know that I cant do much to change certain things, but not accepting it is still a way of fighting.

My love life makes a good example, though I will not illusidate it. The government's stand for reservation is another.

Someday I will have the courage, the time, the resources; the power to fight everything I stand against. There will be a lot of issues to deal with. In the meantime, to clarify, I don't suffer insanity; I enjoy every minute of it. :-)

Rajmachi Fort Trek

This was a trip of uncertainties, I donot really know how we choose this place (I know why though). We hadnt planned on anything in particular. I was in office on this saturday and suddenly feelt like I want to leave and explore something, sweat it out, leave everything behind. My room-mate, Pratyush, was sitting vetti (jobless) and was eager to come along. We decided on a trek near Lonavala and left our place at 6 in the evening. And me being me, conveniently forgot the scrap of paper on which the details n path were written.

Anyways, so we landed up in Lonavala with no known objective in mind. We tried to live up to the thought that the best journey is the one without any destination. We asked a couple of locals. They were pretty much psyched; imagine 2 guys asking about trekking at 9pm. We got directions for two places finally - Rajmachi fort and Korigadh; Rajmachi fort was supposed to be tougher, so we brave souls went for it. The locals probably thought we were crazy, 2 guys with 1 backpack, 1 tent, 2 bottles of water, nothing to eat, going up at night. Well, as I say, "There's a fine line between confidence and craziness, and I sit squat on that line."

Anyways, we started and bought some cigs on the way. Best companion for 2 lonesome guys. After 1/2 hr, we stopped to take directions and a drunk local watchman said he will accompany us till his village, which was on the way. All our attempts to convince this guy that we were poor college students, seeking some adventure as we didnt want to waste money visiting malls and watching movies, went in vain. Anyways, we stopped at his village and he offered us food, but we felt ashamed to dig into his meagre dinner. So off we went and fortunately found a quaint resort called "Captain's " owned by some ex-captain. Excellent food in the middle ot the jungle. This is one place I will bring my gf/ wife to, provided she comes.

Meanwhile, Pratyush started having problems with his stomach, again. The best part about night trekking is that its not that hot, theres a curious and errie sense of adventure, and two is a very good company. We passed through a very dense patch of jungle and it felt that something was following us. Every 2 mins, we were turning back and listening, and imagining all sorts of things. Anyways, nothng came for us and I was actually a bit sad.

We continued, Pratyush got a call saying that he was wanted for a shoot in Lonavala the next day, so we had to come down by morning. We also met a somewhat bigger group of trekkers who had lost their way. We wanted to scare the shit out of them, but decency prevailed :D. We camped around 3am, 2 kms from Rajmachi village, as we didnt want to be too tired the next day. We got up at 5 am and started back.

We reached Lonavals bus stand at around 10am, happy with our trek. Then Pratyush went for a really stupid shooting, while I slept peacefully, content, in their guesthouse.

PS - On a night trek, always carry a handy knife and extra batteries.

Rambling!

How naive can people be? This is a thought that has repeatedly bothered me and utilized my thinking energy, more so in the recent past. Maybe its them, maybe its me. I think its because few people have ever been able to understand me.

I dont even remember for how long I tried to find a way to eternal peace of mind, nor when i reached the solution. My answer would probably raise more eyebrows and cynics would have a field day, but it has worked for me since a long time. What i prefer is indifference. It is not an escapist attitude, just thinking about it would destroy the meaning of indifference.

Some of the people around me assume that what they do or dont do, affects me. And the fact is that I would care less. I have got compliments about how I cna keep my peace and not get angry, still be polite to a person when anyone else would have blown his fuse. What they dont realise is that I dont care, I am indifferent to their feelings, whether it is their feelings of happiness or sorrow, anger or pain. Call me inhuman, but it is the best way to absolve yourself of emotions and be content. Why should i give enough importance to a person that he has the capability to make be angry or hurt me?

Now, I am not talking in a girlish way. Its just my understnading that if you dont care if another person exists or not, then you wouldnt care what he does, whether he does well or not, whether he cries or not, whether he passes or fails, whether he lives or dies. Its just the way my head is attuned now, I can do this without giving it a second thought.

I do care a lot about my close friends. But the others who pretend to be friends, or who are mere acquantainces, I dont think it is right to even get angry at them.

Mine might be an easier way. Some people prefer to be frank and tell others what they think og them. Some others prefer to be hurt by others. I dont know where I lie. Most of the time I have never cared whether the otehr person is angry with me. Out of decency I might still find it polite to care. But its not that I would be willing to change my beliefs without sufficient convincing.

A funny incident happened some time back. A supposedly good friend staying with me right now thought that he might make me angry by doing things which I dont like. Now why should I care? I dont consider him a good enough friend to care about him.

Another thing I find lacking in me, but in a good way, is the lack of sympathy for some people. When I think that the people deserved it, I find it amusing that they would cry later when it is they who mad those decisions in the first place. Never be sorry about the decisions you make. This is what it ultimately boils down to.

Well, I was never very very good at writing andputting my thoughts down. Worse when i am a bit drunk. :D
I should read this post agian tomm and modify it.

Things to do in next 1 yr atleast

1. Buy Royal Enfield Electra (my dream indian bike) and add some modifications - Dec 2006 :-
Update - Bought the new Pulsar 200. really cool bike. Am still crazy about the enfield, but due to some considerations, I went in favour of the Pulsar.
2. Get a Promotion - March 2007
Update:- I finished all the pre-requisites for the said. But my review will be in June, as the guy who takes them is busy. To hell with him. This is very demotivating. :(
3. Start swimming and playing badminton again - Probably Dec 2006
Update:- Yet to do.. :(
4. Go camping and trekking - Dec 2006
Update :- been on a couple of small treks since Dec. Feels very good.
5. Go on a long road trip (either to college or bangalore) - April 2007
Update:- This month definitely. Am on schedule for this.
6. Complete "Basic Mountaineering Course" by July 2007.
Update :- Decided to do this in October, after monsoons.
7. Run a marathon - 2007
Update :- have to start preparing for this.
8. Go on a big big Himalayan trek/expedition (Everest, K2, Nanga Parbhat..) - 2008

Updated - 4th April, 07.

Lost and found

I had so many dreams and expectations from my job; for the first time i knew that this is what i wanted to do and this was the path which wud help me fulfill my future goals. Now I am not sure. I feel so useless in this job, have absolutely no work and am paid so much for it. I guess I am not happy about not being given responsibilities and having to sit writing this blog. Well I was never good with sitting idle. Also i donot understand the working of the company, its so different, they hav e learning modules for everything but at the end you really donot understnad anything. There is some freedom, but you feel lost because of it. like you started on this journey with a map, but the map only goes till midway.

Actually I am not that pissed now, I know what i should do. I should start doing things which I like; swimming, badminton, running, gymming; reading. I should be able to manage these things. First and foremost, get my dream bike, go on a long ride and clear up my head.

Freedom of the Human Spirit

No matter wat happens or how down i feel, I just have to read this poem and am back on my feet, again believing that theres nuthing tat a human being cannot do, if he puts his soul into it. Nothing can bind down the human spirit, no dungeons, no cruel landlords, no governments, no dictators. Theres neither physics nor economics behind this; just the faith and belief in oneself.

As my friend Aditi has told me so often "You can will anything to happen. If you really want it, you will do anything to get it." Thats what human spirit can do. When a person can see what he has created in front of him, and it is what he ever wanted, then he is happy.

Delhi Blasts

After the Delhi Blasts, which killed so many people, all I am hearing in this city is that the people should rise up and fight off those Muslim jehadis. Now since nobody kows where the jehadis are, they atleast want to kill some innocent Muslims, to atleast vent a release to theie pent up? anger. Bravo indeed!!

What nobody ever thought is that probably the VHP itself may be behind the blasts!! Why would a nationalist n fundamentalist party do that??? Think think!! It is only when such things happen that VHP, RSS etc come to the forefront and raise arms n get supporters. If there was peace, we would not need such outfits. But well,,just as we may never know the real culprit behind 9/11 in US (Bush or Osama) same we will never know the truth here. Even the media is biased nowadays, where is the free media anymore??Everyone is just busy worshiping Mallika Sherawat for obvious reasons.

My take on the blasts - Who cares?? A man of action might want to do something, but in a country like India, his hands will be tied down. So why even waste energy getting pissed off at such things, better go to the jungle, take a sanyaas and live peacefully. Better still, surf the net for Mallika Sherawat..